Several years ago, I attended a mini-reunion of some of my deaf friends at the Clarke School for the Deaf. While conversing with a couple of friends, I inquired about one classmate of mine. I had not seen or heard from this classmate for 40 years. I was told that this classmate had a troubled life and had fallen through the cracks.

Even though I had not had any contact with this classmate for forty years, I was not surprised.

You see, this classmate was thin and frail. He had a sensitive personality and seemed to lack confidence in himself. In my last year at Clarke School, someone arranged for my classmate to get private calisthenic training. I don’t know the backstory and who arranged it. I suspect it was a collaborative effort between the school and my classmate’s mother.

Anyway, I was asked to join my classmate in this weekly session—just myself, my classmate and the personal trainer. The sessions included jumping jacks, pushups, jumping rope and basic gym class-type exercises. 

No one explained the purpose of these sessions to me. However, I grasped from the get-go that this was an attempt to boost his confidence in a supportive way through moderate physical exercise. I remember encouraging him. “You can do it, buddy!”

Clearly, the school and/or his mother recognized the need to boost his confidence and physical strength. Through my 9-year-old eyes, I felt that his self-esteem/confidence was a bit shaky. There is no question in my mind that the adults were on the right track in this situation.

As I said at the beginning, I lost contact with him after I left Clarke School in 1974. In any case, I was not shocked when I heard that he may have fallen through the cracks. There was this sense that the writing was on the wall back then. All that said, there’s a lot about his life that I don’t know about. As noted above, I’ve not had contact with him since 1974, nearly 50 years.

Anyway, this led me to ponder whether some are unfortunately stuck with the life script they are given.

For reasons of psychology, trauma or conditioning, some cannot alter their life script or trajectory. I have had long conversations with my wife about this topic. She has noticed the same thing happening to a couple of her childhood friends.

All that said, many folks DO alter their script or life trajectory for a better life. But not everyone. For whatever reason, some do not have the ability or wherewithal to alter their life trajectory.

You might wonder what this has to do with self-defence. Hang on.

I have taught self-defence classes at the local college since 2017. It’s been an interesting experience meeting men and women from all kinds of backgrounds.

Quick background: these are general self-defence classes designed for men and women. I teach topics such as awareness, de-escalation, life tips, movement and, of course, basic self-defence skills. Included are palm strikes, ear slaps, throat strikes, eye thrusts and groin strikes. Basic ground defence is included.

One phenomenon has struck me over the years. While most students progress normally in developing their self-defence skills, some can’t physically flip the switch even if their life depended on it. 

To be blunt, some couldn’t harm a fly with their striking. 

Moreover, it has nothing to do with bad form or poor execution. It’s all about the total lack of intention. They can’t do it.

And it’s not just women. I’ve encountered male students who have this problem.

Check out this short instructional on the palm strike. Solid instruction here.

If you are not able to see this video, go here.

My general experience has been if a person can execute a decent palm strike, their other strikes will likely be sufficient.

The lack of intention shows up in the palm strike and other strikes. It’s more of a “wet noodle” feeling to their strikes. There’s nothing there. These are the students that I focus most on.

Over time, through experience, I’ve learned to separate these folks into two groups:

(1) Those who can alter their original self-defence script. This requires patience and many repetitions to bring their striking skills to a serviceable level in a class setting. I suspect some will greatly elevate the percussiveness of their strikes when faced with an actual threat. Others may freeze. I can’t tell. While I can adjust their self-defence script, I also give them a new script.

“Keep both scripts, but this new one is more important.” The new script includes awareness, de-escalation, avoidance and common sense.

(2) The second group consists of folks who will never develop any competency in striking or physically defending themselves, at least during the 24 classes I teach. I wish I had more time with this group. Anyway, this group is much smaller than the first one. As I said above, they couldn’t harm a fly with any striking technique. This is not denigrating them at all. This is just the reality. Instead of changing their self-defence script, I give them a new script.  Without mentioning their physical skills, I re-orient them to a broader view of self-defence. Setting boundaries, awareness, de-escalation, avoidance and various self-defence scenarios.

“What happens if your car breaks down on the side of the road and you see a sketchy person approaching your car?”

“I’ll stay in the car, lock my doors, and call for assistance.”

“That’s self-defence, my friend.”

Hopefully, that plants a seed in them that while they may not excel in striking, they can excel in other areas of self-defence. Hey, they now have a better script than the original!

As a nine-year-old, I was just trying to boost my friend’s shaky confidence. I had not heard of concepts such as “life scripts” or “life trajectory.” I suspect that the adults were trying to alter my friend’s life trajectory in some way through confidence-boosting exercise sessions.

While it is unfortunate that my Clarke School classmate could not alter his life script (at least it seemed to me from the outside looking in), I hope to be able to change others’ scripts or give them new ones.

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