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When folks roll on the mat or do stick free play, why do so many focus on “winning” or “losing?” The fact of the matter is that you’re going to win some and lose some.

Instead of getting hung up on who prevailed, just focus on the lessons learned from every training session. Think in terms of advancing your skill inch by inch. “Winning” or “losing” often interferes with the learning process.

If you “lost” don’t let that get to you, as in “My Gawd, it’s the end of the fucking world!” That doesn’t get you anywhere. Better to say to yourself: “Okay, I messed up here. Where did I make the fatal mistake that doomed me?”

If you won, best not to let that get to you. “Damn man! Nobody can touch me!” Really? Did it take you 15 moves to secure that triumph? If so, maybe you’re not the badass you think you are. See if you can win in 10 moves. Then 6. Then 3 moves. You get the idea.

To be sure, you’ll probably learn much more from “losing” than “winning.”

It’s a process. Frankly, it’s more rewarding than winning or losing. It’s about improving your martial skill on a daily basis. As you can see from the above video, Dref and I went at it and filmed most of it. I got him a few times, and he got me a few times.

What are the lessons to be learned from these experiences?

  1. Active defence is far better than “defending.” Instead of defending, think in terms of “counter-attack.”
  2. When driving, fully commit to the attack. Otherwise, your training partner will turn the tables on you.
  3. Keep the alive hand as active as possible. It’s your friend! It can nullify an attacker’s strategies and tactics in many ways.
  4. Regardless of whether you are driving or defending, never stop moving.
  5. The best moves? Well executed basics! Look at the video. You’ll notice that both of us used thrusting angles, slap off, pull off, block/check/counter, palis-palis, and many other basics and succeeded!

I’m sure I could add more to this list, but those are the main takeaways.

Now, if I had the “winning” or “losing” mindset, I don’t think I would have come to the above conclusions. Yes, we pressure tested each other like hell. But we kept our egos out of it. If your ego gets in the way, it will be harder to analyze what you did well or why you sucked objectively. And yes, to say to yourself “Damn that was a cool maneuver by Dref. I’m going to incorporate that into my repertoire!“

Given my experiences, I would strongly suggest forgetting about winning or losing. Keep your ego out of it and learn from each experience.

Over to you, what do you think? Please share your perspectives!

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