Regarding kids and martial arts, a fair bit of time is spent differentiating between the good and bad guys. It seems pretty easy since we’re dealing with schoolyard bullies, various stranger scenarios, and practicing self-defence moves. It all seems pretty cut and dried until you hear that one of your students’ three friends was killed by a drunk driver. 

A week ago, a horrible accident occurred in Vaughan, Ontario, where an allegedly drunk driver named Marco Muzzo sped through a stop sign and t-boned a van.

In doing so, he killed three children and a grandfather. Two other passengers, the grandmother and great-grandmother, were also seriously injured. Muzzo is facing several serious charges relating to this fatal accident.  

He is currently in custody awaiting a bail hearing on October 19th. The children’s mother and father are now dealing with the nightmare of losing three children. Daniel Neville-Lake was 9, Harry was 5, and Millie was only 2.

This might have faded in my memory as another horrible drunk driving accident, except for one thing.

One of my adult class students, 10-year-old Ryan, knew these kids. He hung out with them and attended their birthday parties. Ryan is a great kid and was recently promoted to yellow belt. I was proud of him when he got that rank. The look on his face when he got the promotion is one I’ll never forget for a long time.

A few days before the accident mentioned above, Ryan and I had gotten into a “heated” argument over the merits of R2D2 vs. Darth Vader. The kid tried to convince me that R2D2 is more of a “badass” than Darth Vader. He was pretty convincing. It was a hilarious argument. Quite a few folks, overhearing this “argument,” were chuckling.

Various newspaper articles have indicated that Ryan’s friend, Daniel, was also a Star Wars fan. I imagine that Ryan and Daniel probably discussed that movie quite a bit. I think these discussions prepared him for his “argument” with me.

Then BAM, three days after that “argument,” this horrific accident occurred.  His mother, stepmother, and father had to tell him he lost three friends due to a drunk driver. His mother and stepmother have posted some pictures of Ryan with his deceased friends and a drawing that he did in tribute to his three lost friends. One can only imagine being in the shoes of parents trying to explain the cruelties and vagaries of life to a young child.

As a Modern Arnis/self-defence instructor, I focus on teaching kids how to use social skills to get out of situations and physical skills to defend themselves against schoolyard bullies and adults alike. I also teach them essential leadership skills and how to be confident and assertive human beings. In addition, I focus on teaching Filipino Martial Arts and the fascinating things you can do with a stick. It’s all those things we think of in terms of “self-defence” and “martial arts.”

But how do you explain to a kid that one of the bad guys might be a drunk driver with an apparent disdain for society and that there’s no defence against drunk drivers except hope that the parents embrace the philosophy of defensive driving? What I teach can help him with most situations but not all of them. That life seems random? I do not doubt that his mother, stepmother and father are trying to answer some of the questions that Ryan might pose. It’s akin to telling an unsuspecting kid that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are not real. Life is unfair and can be especially cruel—a lot for a kid to handle.

I will have to consider how to talk to Ryan if he raises the topic in class. While his mother, father and stepmother have far larger roles in his life, I’m aware that the role of a teacher or a martial arts instructor in helping him deal with this situation might be helpful for him.

This reminds me that the classes in Activity Room 4 at the Legends Community Centre are not only just for self-defence and Filipino Martial Arts but also a “refuge/haven” for those wanting a break from real life.

“Step into the room, forget about life for a short while. When you step in the door, leave the distractions behind and just train.”  – Me.

I am becoming more aware that a few of my students have gone through tough times in the past year or so makes it all the more imperative that the classes represent an opportunity to forget about life for a little while. There isn’t much that I can do about my students’ bad fortunes/misfortunes.

But I can provide them a place to get away and train with us good guys.

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